Written by Inhopeless
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Topics: X-Factor

Monday, 20 December 2010

LONDON - After the shocking news that the X-Factor loser won #1 in the Xmas charts, people took to the streets.

"What douchebag actually buys X-Factor CDs?" said music psychologist Dave Green. "Really? It's okay... but that stuff is SHIT. SHIT. You gotta have SHIT for brains to buy that SHIT."

His mood reflects the mood of other educated, smart people the nation over.

Just yesterday, at a police-controlled environment in Birmingham, over 200 people were burnt alive as punishment for buying the CD.

For legal reasons, Cowell and the other judges, have had certain things happen to them. I can't specify what. That's the legal bit.

Some people have been critisised for the move.

"Why?" said a leader for Burn-The-Buyers. "Some people have compared us to the Nazis. Well let me tell you this. As a History Degree holder I can tell you what we are doing is not what Hitler did."

"Hitler killed Jews. In German society, Jews were lawyers, bankers, teachers, doctors, civil servants - even soldiers in WWI. These lot" - he pointed to a pile of smoldering bodies - "Are not any of these. Out of the 200 we've burned, 180 are benefit claimants - who never had or applied for a job, 2 are rapists, 1 is a murderer, 10 are regulars on Jeremy Kyle, and 7 were Scientologists. Boomph. There. Don't use the term Nazi so loosely."

The music industry has had to slim down its operations as most of its consumer base - the ones who buy their trash - have disappeared overnight.

ITV has had to shut down due to the fact no-one watches the X-Factor any more. That's a shame... we'll miss long-running shows like... uuhh... there's shit-all on ITV.

As of press time, Matt whathisname was also being --- I can't tell you for legal reasons... apparently he is a celeb, and I cannot depict the death of celebs. Oh well.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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