Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Space, Star Trek

Thursday, 11 August 2005

image for Paramount Unveils Ideas for the Newest Star Trek Series
Who will sit in the captain's chair on the new Star Trek Series?

The creative department at Paramount studios is desperate for a new series set in the Star Trek universe. Programming executive Rob Swordfish said Monday "Since the 80's, we have had The Next Generation, Deep Space 9, Voyager, and Enterprise on the air. With the recent cancellation of Enterprise, we have millions of fans out there clamoring for another futuristic show set in their favorite galaxy. We'd really like to make their wishes come true."

Ideas submitted thus far include the following:

Star Trek; The Musical
Enterprise, being the most recent show cancelled, still has intact sets, costumes, and most of its cast. This series will take the same group of people and put them in musical scenes with large production numbers. Broadway choreographers have been hired to bring song and dance to life with numbers like "My love waits on Betelgeuse" and "I'll give you the Crab Nebulae."

Star Trek; The Tribble Adventures
Research has shown that the tribbles and Vulcans are everyone's favorite aliens from the original Star Trek series. This show, set as a situation comedy at the Vulcan Science Academy, focuses on tribbles and the funny things that they do and the funny places they can be found. One change from the original is that this series will include talking tribbles. One will smoke a cigar and should remind viewers of a famous comic insult dog.

Star Trek; The Star Fleet Academy Soap Opera
Voyager, The Next Generation, and Deep Space Nine all took place in the same time period. This show would mix together any beloved characters that wish to return for a new series and put them together teaching at Star Fleet Academy. Since the students would all be adult age also, it would give the show hundreds of possibilities for romance and intrigue. The synopsis of the pilot for the first episode is as follows: Riker discovers that Troi is pregnant but does not know if the baby. He secretly suspects that it might be either the holographic doctor from Voyager, Data the android, or the evil twin brother of Captain Sisko. In his attempts to discover the father, he accidentally shoots Dax and frames Wesley Crusher for the murder. Dr. Brashears, meanwhile, is discovered in bed by his girlfriend with a Feringi student and claims temporary amnesia. In a side story expected to play through the first few months, Worf leads a cadet panty raid through the girl's dorm (past 120 year old dorm mother Uhura) and discovers his long lost daughter, who was kidnapped as a baby and was raised by wolves on the planet Thurg.

Star Trek; Cooking With Neelix
Neelix was the ship's cook on Voyager. We would put this show on food network and let him cook space delicacies like Rigellian Cockroach Pie and Vulcan Seaweed Soup. Earth food equivalents will be given so that enterprising cooks can try the recipes at home.

Star Trek; Love Advice for Virgin Trekkies
The show title should appeal to most die-hard watchers of the other series as studies have shown that 94% of the fan base have not lost their virginity. This will be a Discovery Health Channel show moderated by William ("Get a life!") Shatner. Guests counselors and doctors will discuss such topics as "How to talk to girls without wearing your Spock ears," "Current events not involving NASA," "The difference between the Vulva and Vulcans," "Why not to wear Star Trek Underoos on a date if you think you might get lucky,"and "Human Sexuality does not include the Vulcan Pon Far mating ritual." Viewers will also be taught why not to tell a girl "you look hotter than Seven of Nine" or "Wanna camp out with me for six days in front of the theatre to wait for the opening of the next sci-fi movie?"

Star Trek; Young Wesley Crusher Saves the World
This is projected as a Disney Channel, Cartoon Network, or Nick Jr. cartoon series. It follows the adventures of a young Wesley Crusher as he saves the world weekly from the latest alien invasion.

Star Trek; Alien Poker Tournament
This attempt to cash in on the poker craze will feature stars of all of the series, in costume, playing Texas Hold'em. The first player to go "all in" and get kicked off every episode will be a single episode, red-shirted security guard from the original Star Trek series. Everyone will try to see if an unemotional Vulcan like Spock gives away any clues or is able to bluff.

The Paramount network, owner of the creative rights and the Star Trek name, is currently in discussion with other networks regarding which, if any, of these series will be made. Their official estimate is that at least one of the shows should by on the air as a mid-season replacement by January.

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