Written by Skoob1999
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 18 December 2010

image for Matt Cardle - At Last A True X-Factor Working Class Hero Warrior
Working Class - Music - Not Caterwauling

Six months ago, nobody had heard of Matt Cardle, but now, the humble working class Essex painter and decorator is the toast of the town, and a shoe in for the coveted Christmas number one single slot, following his dramatic X-Factor triumph in the face of the most challenging obstacles.

In one round, a tearful Matt was later to reveal that his rendition of the Roberta Flack soul classic The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face was almost emotionally overwhelming, because it reminded him of the day that his mum took in the four orphaned sons of her best friend, who was tragically killed in a road traffic accident.

It was later leaked that Matt got uncontrollably emotional about that song because he performed it at his mum's best friend's funeral, and that he gained four brothers on that terrible day.

In early interviews, Matt went to great pains to point out that he was a humble painter and decorator, who would have preferred to sing for his supper, rather than have magnolia splashing over his face.

Truly touching, genuine, a humble working stiff given his big break. An inspiration unparalelled since Cheryl Cole hit the big time.

"What absolute and utter bollocks!" Skoob Entertainment News supremo, Buffty Ginslinger remarked, as he slid graciously down the bar to the floor in a pub, following a surfeit of gin. "According to my research, the bloke is a complete and utter fraud. Four brothers and a paint brush, my arse! For a start, I've heard that his family never took those four lads in. It's - hic! - fuckin' true that their mum died, and that's sad, but the whole story was concocted by Simon Cowell's SyCo people as a sobby back story. Working class? He had a £15,000 a year education at Stoke College. He was brought up in a £0.5 million Essex mansion, his parents run a logistics consultancy firm, and if he ever did painting and decorating for a living, it's a right fucking waste of a fifteen grand per year education. Far more likely that he was bone idle, or simply a thick cunt. The thing is, he's still propogating what I believe to be complete and utter fabrications, even as I speak. The man's an utter fraud. And he has a voice like a tortured screech owl. He'll be forgotten by this time next year. In my humble opinion, he's a car crash waiting to happen."

Wow.

Controversy there.

The views of Buffty Ginslinger should under no circumstances be interpreted as the view of the administrator of this or any other website. Because Buffty Ginslinger is firmly of the opinion that Matt Cardle is a crap singer, and a fraudulent cunt.

More as we get it.

Make Skoob1999's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 4?

4 16 12 7
72 readers are online right now!

Go to top