Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 20 December 2010

image for Dustin Hoffman, Danny DeVito, And Katie Couric Star In The "R" Rated Seasonal Classic, "Christmas Elves From Hell"
A scene involving these three candy canes came very close to giving the movie an "X" rating.

HOLLYOOD - The Hallmark Channel has just announced that they will be presenting the seasonal classic, Christmas Elves From Hell.

The film is loosely based on the book by noted Christmas elf writer Devereux F. Haystack who has also penned other holiday classics including The Christmas Elves Vs. The Vampires of Vulgaria, The Christmas Elves Gang Wrap Sexy Little Miss Trudy Pittbicker, and The Christmas Elves De-Hood and De-Robe Three Ku Klux Klaners.

The latter picture was named Best Foreign Racist Film at the 2008 Maurice Chevalier Film Festival and Menage-A-Trois Seminar in Chateaubriand Oui Oui, France.

In The Christmas Elves From Hell little itty bitty Danny DeVito stars as Giles Gumpyfaust, head elf and noted counterfeit Barbie Doll distributor.

His assistant, Orafellia Twittercake, is played by little itty bitty Katie Couric, who has a 'short' affair with little itty bitty Dustin Hoffman's character, Hans Hankerchiller, aka the infamous conceited twit who was born and raised in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada, by a former Nazi Wolfgang Wolfgangheimer and an Irish snowman designer Dublina O'Blarney.

The film is co-directed by England's Byron Biffinsbridge and Italy's Bandini Borrapelli who contrary to persistent rumors floating around the Pennsylvania - Maryland area are not now, nor have they ever been partners in the gay sense.

Biffinsbridge admits that yes he does like to occasionally wear womens lipstick, mascara, eye-liner, and pantyhose, but he is quick to add that so do a lot of straight men such as Mel Gibson, Russell Brand, Bill O'Reilly, and Arizona Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio.

The movie does have an "R" rating due to the rather explicit scene toward the middle of the movie where Couric's character Orafellia Twittercake is caught sending Xerox butt photos of herself via the Internet to Hankerchiller and his unmarried uncle Silas "The Tongue" Huxxinticker.

Another scene towards the end of the movie which involves Miss Twittercake and three candy canes came very close to giving the movie an "X" rating.

In other news. The government of Brazil has stated that due to the fact that the Annual Brazil Nut Gathering Season has been delayed for two weeks due to the constant rain showers in Brazil's Rain Forest, Christmas Day is being changed from December 25, to December 29. They added that the change will only be in affect this year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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