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Saturday, 18 December 2010

image for Approved by top child psycho-logist: Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and Suri Cruise to face-off in new Survivor-Kid series
"this is SJP - call my agent, tell him he's fired!"

It's official. The new Survivor-Kid series takes off in 2011 with a well-buffed Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and her muy macho tomboy tribe taking on a girly-girl Suri Cruise and her princess tribe.

"It's great. We're gonna break the ratings ceiling", said American Network President Mooney Shyster. "Our demographics study shows the 4-7 year-old little girl group as the most influence-able, most susceptible, most easily coerced viewer group".

Mr. Shyster said today's guilty parents, particularly Dads are pre-disposed to treating their daughters like little princesses - for whom the sky's no limit. Equally guilty moms compete for attention by overly-babying their 4-7 yr old daughters, carrying the little lipsticked whiners around on their liposuctioned hips as if they're babies.

"It's a guaranteed recipe for adult dysfunction and we wanna take full advantage of it....strike while the iron's hot y'know", Mr. Shyster told reporters.

Prominent child psycho-logist Dr. Donny Demon - who counts Robert Downey Jr. and Lindsay Lohan among his 'successful' patients - is chief consultant on this new show which pits the rough-and-tumble Shiloh Jolie-Pitt khaki shorts and butchy-shirts outfitted, sword-wielding toddler femmes against the sucky-whiny, tutu-flashing, handbag-toting Suri Cruisers in an all diapers-bared Survivor series.

"The finale will be the most incredible show ever beamed to billions of households", said a leering Mooney.

The series will be filmed entirely on location in the kids plastic-balls play cage at Hollywood's most popular Ikea store.

Word from the Jolie-Pitt Camp is that Mama Ange has put SJP (no, not that older wrinkled one with the same initials) on a strict liquid diet to buff up those mini Lara Croft non-existent muscles while Brad-Dad is finessing her wooden swordplay skills.

Meanwhile in balmy Vancouver TomKat are working equally hard on a punishing routine of hyperactive jumping-on-the-couch reps and trout-pout lipstick application skills.

"Yeah, I'm gonna smash them" said a confident SJP

"Aww...I gotta poo" responded SC, struggling to get off MomKat's bony hip.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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