Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Music, Rehab, Demi Lovato

Sunday, 19 December 2010

image for Demi Lovato Angrily Remarks That The Alleged Summertime Sex Videos Are Not Of Her - "Hey People, The Girl In The Video Is A Blonde, I'm A Brunette"
Demi Lovato sitting by The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic swimming pool and wondering how ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas is doing.

LOS ANGELES - Demi Lovato spoke at an impromptu news conference in the recreation room of The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic where she has been confined since the unfortunate Jonas Brothers Concert Tour ending incident.

Lovato, sat at a wooden table with her personal hair stylist Mr. Tabby of Topanga Canyon by her side. She noted that Mr. Tabby was there to lend her moral support and to later deal with the horrible split ends which she has for some unknown reason suddenly developed.

The 18-year-old songstress was asked about the alleged sex tapes that were reportedly taken of her this past summer which supposedly show her on her $1.9 million customized touring band bus in various stages of 'va va vooming' with several unnamed young male individuals.

Lovato blushed. She took a sip of her Diet Dr. Pepper and responded by saying that part of the statement is in fact true. She said that her customized touring bus did cost her $1.9 plus tax, title, and license.

But she was quick to express that the part of her 'va va vooming' with young unnamed guys was totally false. Mr. Tabby, chimed in and said in a lispy voice, "Demi is a good girl. She eats nutritional food and drinks diet water. She never cusses, makes off-color jokes, or purposely passes gas in front of others."

Demi took Mr. Tabby's hand and thanked him for his kind words. She then shook her head and wondered why it is that the media always has to be picking on sweet, little, innocent singers like her and Taylor Swift when they could easily go after the likes of bitches like LeAnn Rimes, Amy Winehouse, Courtney Love, or Naomi Campbell.

Mr. Tabby told Demi that Naomi was not a singer. She blushed and said that she meant to say Whitney Houston, now that she has let herself go worse than that white cracker bitch Lindsay Lohan.

Demi again took the time to stress that she is just a sweet young girl who wants to perform her songs, do her concerts, and rake in the millions and millions of dollars that her fans pay to hear her make them as happy as woodpeckers in a baseball bat factory.

Lovato's nurse then walked in and informed her that it was time for her to take her afternoon nap. "Dammit! Already?" Lovato asked. The nurse identified as Cadenza Costapino, responded by telling her that she knows that if she does not get her afternoon nap in then at the dinner table she can turn into one mean little prima donna and that no one wants to witness her horribly unwarranted tirade against Gretchen the cook ever again.

Before Demi left, she stood up and remarked, "Hey people the girl in the video who is shown 'va va vooming' is a blonde, I'm a brunette."

To further prove her point she asked her hair stylist Mr. Tabby to please tell the assembled media members what color her pubic hair is. Mr. Tabby, blushed and replied, "Dark brown like a glass of Hershey's Chocolate Milk."

In other news. Sarah Palin reportedly remarked at a press conference in Juneau, Alaska that if another reporter asks her about her stupid 'Bridge To Nowhere' she will take out her caribou hunting rifle and shoot the damn reporter's microphone out of his friggin hand.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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