Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 19 December 2010

image for The Shocking Truth Behind The Reason Julia Roberts Is Acting Like Kate "Graceless" Gosselin
Julia Roberts' left ear just before it grew to the unbelievably huge size that it is now.

LA HABRA, California - Julia Roberts, who starred in the film Pretty Woman back when she was pretty has shown a new, different side of her that no one likes, not even Ellen DeGeneres who loves everyone.

The trout snouted, 43-year-old actress was shopping by herself in La Habra when she was approaced by a reporter for Left Coast Mirror Magazine, Cashmere Cunninghaven.

Cunninghaven mentioned that she had heard from an unnamed, but damn good reliable source that Roberts had gotten into an argument with her husband, Daniel Moyer, 41, about the fact that he had told her that this year he was just going to buy her Christmas clothes marked 'one size fits all.'

Cunninghaven disclosed that the reason Danny was doing this was to avoid having to go back and exchange the items, since lately, it is no secret that Julia has been on an up and down, yo-yo, roller coaster diet, where she gains and loses, gains and loses, gains and doesn't lose.

Julia exploded and said that the statement was in fact true and she then remarked to Cunninghaven that for revealing that, Danny was nothing but a wimpy faced, Jon Gosselin wienie, which in terms of a cutting remark is about as cutting a remark as a wife or woman could possibly express about her husband or boyfriend.

Roberts then told Cunninghaven that she had to go because she had some gifts to buy for her mother, her upstairs maid, her downstairs maid, and BFF Sharon "The Crotch" Stone.

Cunninghaven quickly asked her if she wanted to explain why it is that her ears have suddenly grown to about twice the size that they were last year.

Roberts exploded once again. She hurled expletives at the Left Coast Mirror Magazine reporter that one usually only hears in lumberjack camps, Hells Angel drinking parties, and Sarah Palin family get-togethers.

Roberts pulled her magenta knit cap down over her humongous ears and ran off into a local McDonald's to escape from the overly delving reporter.

Danny Moder was contacted by Cunninghaven and asked to comment on the tremendous growth spurt of his wife's ears. He laughed and said that he has been telling Julie that for the past two months but she does not believe him. He asked Cunninghaven to please email Julie a photo showing her ridiculously gigantic elephant looking ears.

Cunninghaven said that she would be more than happy to do it and that she had already been approached by the National Enquirer who wanted to buy her close up pictures of Julia's ears for $18,000.

Before Danny hung up he told Cunninghaven that the fact that Julia knows full well that her ears have gotten way out of hand, size wise, is the exact reason why lately she has been acting like that 'no talent' Kate "Graceless" Gosselin. He commented that he is getting fed up with his wife acting like a damn diva and throwing around things at their home like candle holders, drink coasters, lamps, and her 2001 Academy Award For Best Actress for the film Erin Brockovich.

In other news. Sarah Palin wants to dispel the rumor that her youngest daughter, 9-year-old Piper shot a wayward reindeer in the front yard of the family's Alaskan home Casa Moscow. "Snowflake" Palin said that yes it is true that little Piper shot at the big old reindeer, but she missed it hitting a swimming duck on Lake Lucille instead. Mama Palin added that the little duck did loose a few feathers but was not really hurt all that bad.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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