Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Saturday, 18 December 2010

image for Keith Richards Says He's Fathered Over 25,000 Children
A Few Of Keith's Kids

London, England-- Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards celebrated his 67th birthday on Friday, and couldn't resist doing a little bragging. The legendary rocker says he has sired over 25,000 children since 1964, and already has 40,000 grandchildren! Keith says having sired so many kids is "the biggest bloody high in the bloody world."

Keith says his astonishing feat all began back in 1964 during the Rolling Stones first world tour. He had a bet with Mick Jagger about who could knock-up the most girls. Keith sired over 500 kids, and won the bet. He liked it so much that he never stopped. Keith has sired children among every culture and country in the entire world.

Keith always makes the women he sleeps with sign a release form, to avoid any complications. The form states that sex will be used to conceive a child, and there will be absolutely no emotional or financial ties. Thousands of women have signed the form, and many thousands more are still awaiting their turn.

"I'm the biggest bloody stud the world has ever known!" bragged Keith. "I've got bloody kids from Afghanistan to Zambia, and now they're all having kids too!" he bragged some more.

Population scientists are also astonished by Keith's fertility. The scientists noted in only 100 years, everyone on the planet will be descended from Keith Richards.

"I'm bigger than Jesus--he didn't have any kids!" laughed Keith. "In the future, bloody Christmas will be on my birthday--December 17!" he said proudly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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