Written by Proffitt
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Friday, 17 December 2010

image for Monopoly the X Factor Edition
Cowell money

Cowell and Monopoly team up to bring us a new game just in time for Christmas.

In it you no longer pass 'Go' but rather pass the audition stage after 10 minutes of unceremoniously begging to Danni's large fake breasts.

Land on the wrong square and you no longer 'Go to jail,' now you have to go down on Louis Walsh as he compares you to his famous string of boy bands!

The most expensive properties are those owned by none other than Cowell himself. If you happen to land on one of his mansions you can't simply pay him the going rate. You must first heap praise on the God like one and only when you have kissed ass for some 10 years (10 seconds in game time) will you be allowed in to the Cowell party circle. Then you can make a bid.

The midline squares now belong to Cheryl Cole. Land on these and you meet her in a bar to get her drunk on brown ale. After dragging her away from a fight with a coloured barmaid she takes you back to hers and lets you bugger her till the light of dawn.

The cheap squares are reserved for the Xtra Factor where all the second rate has beens find themselves. Find yourself here and you know its not long before poverty sets in followed by alcohol abuse and eventual suicide.

Can't wait.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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