Written by Morse
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Wednesday, 15 December 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan Backs Out of Lead in Remake of "Splendor in the Grass" After Learning It's a Love Story, Not a Drug Story!
Lindsay Crushed After she finds out she won't be Smokin' in Movie Role Arranged by Mom!

Dina Lohan, the controlling behind the scenes Mother from Hell, said she was furious after learning that daughter Lindsay had refused to sign the contract for the lead in the remake of "Splendor in the Grass" that had helped Natalie Wood shoot to stardom.

"She's being her same old selfish little prat,' spat Dina to reporters after she learned that Lindsay, still in rehab, but expected to be released sometime in January, threw a tantrum after being briefed on the script before the expected signing.

The 1961 tale tells of a small town girl's anguish, heat break, and maniac depression, over a failed love affair, and has nothing to do with drug related self destructive habits.

Speaking through her latest attorney, Lindsay said she felt betrayed by her mother, who had sent her an excerpt from William Wordsworth's famous Ode "Intimations of Immortality" in which the inspiration for the book and screen play allegedly originated.

The attorney produced a slightly crumpled , tear stained copy of what Dina had sent Lindsay in an attempt to have her agree to the come back role, for which Dina would receive an upfront signing fee of $25,000.

It appears that Dina took some 'artistic liberties' on the verse which she rewrote as:

What though the purple haze which was once my right,
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back my languid stupor
Of splendor of kick ass grass, or glory in the powder;
I will grieve not, rather find
Satisfaction in my girlfriend's smokin' behind

Senior editor at the Spoof.com, John Peurach, after reviewing the passage was forced to admit, "She got my 5 inches right after "purple haze!"

After she had a chance to cool down, Dina said she was prepared to move on with her career as a California Talent Scout, saying, I've still got the young brat left at home...and if that don't work out I can always adopt, the streets in LA are full of spoiled little Twats just waiting to be discovered!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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