LONDON - According to the UK Top 40, 4'33", a cover of Cage's most famous work, reached No. 1 in the singles chart.
This was the first time illegal downloads were counted, leaving Four-Thirty-Three with over 500,000 copies sold or 'borrowed', with 12% being illegal.
In contrast, the X-Factor whatever guy's song garnered a megre 200,000 copies, with 80% being illegal.
"Boo hoo hoo," said Simon Cowell, "WAAH WAHH! Cowellie sad. Mean mean intelligent people beat Cowellie in music race. MUMMY! MUMMY! I'm telling mummy!"
The people who are not total tossers see this as a victory gained.
"Some may say that 4'33" is pure shit," said Mark Smith. "Listen carefully. You can hear the world. Hear the shuffling of feet, the sound of rain. It shows that music is an expression, not a fucking machine to be milked, douchebag Cowell."
In response to the news, several hundred thousand people jumped off buildings everywhere, falling to their doom. Huzzah.
As of press time, Cage was looking down on the people of Britain, and was pleased with our efforts.