BEVERLY HILLS - Cheryl Cole, the girlfriend of Derek Hough, was shopping with Derek's sister, Ryan Seacrest's girlfriend Julianne Hough, at the swank clothing store on Rodeo Drive, Now That's A Rack.
A reporter for Left Coast Mirror Magazine asked her about the rumor floating around that Ines Sainz, a very sexy sports reporter from Mexico, had supposedly made a pass at Derek as he sat in The Haven of Hair Salon having his hair done by the infamous hair stylist to the stars FuFi Fondue.
Cheryl turned three shades of pink. She took a sip of her Corona Light Beer, and asked, "And eggsockly who da 'ell is dis Ines Sainz bitch?"
She was told that she is a very popular sports reporter from Mexico who wears her jeans tighter than any woman in America.
Chezza, as Cole is known in her native England, responded by asking, "Ya mean she wears da jeans tighter than even meself?"
Cole was told that Sainz wears her jeans so tight that if the angle of vision is just right, one can actually see her ovaries.
"Boaf of da bloomin' ovaries?" Cole asked quite surprised.
She then inquired as to what exactly this Ines woman was to have done to her boyfriend (slash) bed mate.
When informed that the word on Rodeo Drive is that Sainz had actually placed her left hand on Derek's diddly dipper Cheryl exploded and began hurling invectives, expletives, and personal nouns of a derogatory nature.
Cole yelled out "They're a bunch of bloody, blimey, bloomin' lies they is!" When told that one of the other hair stylists, Parker "Prissy" Steenstacker had taken a video with his cell phone Chezza hit the roof.
She reached into her purse and immediately called up Derek. The call went to voice mail. Hough called her back after a few minutes. Cheryl asked him about the hair salon incident. Derek explained that it was true but that the video did not show what happened after she touched his taco tickler.
Cheryl asked him to go on. Derek said that another hair stylist has cell phone video, which he is going to forward to her, that shows him (Derek) grabbing a hold of Sainz' right hand and biting down on it and actually leaving four teeth marks.
Cheryl felt tons better. She ooooohed and ahhhhhed and told Dereky, as she calls him in bed, that she could hardly wait for him to get home because she was going to perform one of his most favorite sex acts on him.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I called up my good buddy Larry King, but he did not return my call since he was very busy preparing to film the very last episode of Live With Larry King. Piers Morgan, who will be replacing Larry did get on the phone and he was able to verify the Ines Sainz - Derek Hough hand biting incident].