Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 14 December 2010

image for Paris Hilton Absent at Nicole's Wedding, Had 'Hotter' Things to Do
No cake for Paris

While Paris Hilton was noticeably absent from Nicole Ritchie's wedding, Hilton dodged questions from the press regarding the still percolating rift between the former reality TV co-stars by claiming that she had "Hotter" things to do on that day.

It still is not clear if Ritchie completely snubbed Hilton when the invitations were sent out, or if Hilton chose not to attend, but the former media queen played it off as "no biggie".

Hilton's personal assistant, Meagan Perkness seems to have rehearsed her response to expected questions about Hilton's absence and went on to describe the "Hot" and full day planned for the hotel princess. "She had an early appointment with her hairdresser, followed by a private showing of the newest and hottest shoes from Manolo Blahnik. Next Paris met with Donatella Versace to discuss creating a Paris Hilton line of hand bags. After a quick and healthy lunch at the Ivy, Paris took her Maserati off to her art dealer to pick up a new canvass from Andy Warhol, and finally met with her brand new publicist at 4:00. It was totally hot and a really busy day for her!"

The few reporters who were actually there to get that story snickered at the prophetic nature of the last sentence. One semi-interested reporter from Iceland commented, "She's been out of the news lately which explains the new publicist. The Warhol purchase just helps to frame the conclusion that her 15 minutes are over. Maybe she wasn't a big enough star to get invited to the Ritchie wedding after all. The world would rather hear about Miley's new bong and Taylor Swift's 21st birthday bash anyway. Paris is so, like 20 minutes ago"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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