Skating with the star's Buffy Heddress nearly pulled off a perfect Double Axe Axle Twist on Tuesday nights show. But the ice soon turned blood red when her male amateur partner Francis Mullheir failed to properly initiate the "twist" needed to keep the blades away from his professional partner Buffy's throat.
Buffy was formerly a 6'0" tall blonde bombshell from former East Germany. She was in the United States especially for this competition. "I love it here," said Buffy, "I'm so happy to see skating finally bringing in new skaters, so they can see what beautiful sport it is."
Unfortunately for Buffy, she neglected to wear the shark chain neck piece the pair wore for protection during practice. "She always had it on and it was very shiny and attractive," said Francis,"I begged her to wear it during the competition, but she would refuse to do it! I tried my best to avoid, but it was too difficult!" cried Francis putting his face in his hands.
Skating with the stars has temporarily postponed production until after Buffy's funeral. "Nodbody wants to skate right now. During this first season we have lost a finger, cut a breast, a knee, an ear lobe, and now we have lost a head," said Executive Producer Elton John, "I thought maybe it was just a run of bad luck, but it continues."
Several sponsors, such as Ore Ida Finger Fries, KFC Finger lickin' good chicken, and Wisconsin "Head" Cheese, have withdrawn. An announcement on the show's future will be forthcoming.