Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 17 January 2011

image for Heidi Montag Confesses That She'd Like To Have A Menage-A-Trois With Robert Pattinson And Taylor Lautner
A photo showing the bar area of Sardine Sally's Fish Diner in San Francisco. (Photo courtesy of Nancy Pelosi).

SAN FRANCISCO - Heidi Montag was having dinner at the famed Sardine Sally's Fish Diner on Fisherman's Wharf when she was approached by Evelyn Tammy Quillhoop, a reporter for The Left Coast Mirror Magazine.

Quillhoop asked Montag if the rumor about her stating that she would like to have a menage-a-trois with Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner was true.

Heidi almost choked on the Sardine Alfredo Al-Fresco she was eating. She quickly took a drink of her Sangria de Italia wine and responded to Quillhoop's question.

"May I call you Quilly?" She asked.

"Certainly."

Montag then pointed out that she had made that remark in strictest confidence to Barbara Walters in Walter's dressing room after she had appeared on The View.

Quilly replied that in the real world of entertainment media there is no such thing as 'in strictest confidence.'

"Why not?" Montag asked angrily.

And she was told that if everyone said that everything they said was to be held in the strictest confidence the reporters would never have anything to report and then they would all have to find real jobs like normal people do.

Heidi shook her head, rolled her eyes, raised her eyebrows, and gently rearranged her knockers.

She then informed Quilly that yes she had in fact stated that she would love to have a threesome with Pattinson and Lautner. She then asked her, "But you would probably want to also if you were a gorgeous celebrity like me instead of the plain reporter that you are right?"

Quillhoop choked on her guppy tenders and quickly took a drink of her Diet 7-Up.

Montag jumped in and told her that she did not mean to be cruel, heartless, or bitchy but she was merely calling a spade a spade. She thought about it for a while and changed it to calling 'em like she see's 'em.

Quillhoop said that she understood and realized that after having had 38 plastic surgeries it was just a given that some of that plastic would leak out and start to cloud her reasoning and make her say stupid things like Paris Hilton, Madonna, and Sarah Palin say.

Montag pointed her finger in Quillhoop's face and said "Bitch!"

Quillhoop pointed her finger in Montag's face and said "Plastic Bitch!"

Heidi quickly finished her Sardine Alfredo Al-Fresco and left. Quillhoop told the waiter that she had left room for desert and asked to have a piece of Lemon Meringue Pie with some Cinnamon on the side.

In other news. The reports that the tiny African country of Kamgooganda is planning on invading the Republic of Mexico have caused Mexico to issue an immediate proclamation banning zebra tacos, gazelle tamales, and piƱatas in the shape of African natives.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 2?

6 13 2 8

Go to top