Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was said to be quietly recovering at his south coast home today after the shocking revelation by Sir Elton John in a televised interview with Piers Morgan, that the celebrated singer/songwriter is gay.
It appears that what has been long regarded as common knowledge somehow completely by-passed the 24 year old pork pie hat wearing champion from Portsmouth.
Shuttlecock sat aghast as Sir Elton twatted on about his undying love for civil partner David Furniture (or whatever his name is.) Initially, Shuttlecock thought that Sir Elton was talking about somebody called Davina, but realised he'd misheard when Furniture popped up on screen to declare his love for Sir Elton.
Shuttlecock then suffered a minor seizure as the shocking realisation hit him that Sir Elton John is actually a gay, married to a chap, and to Shuttlecock's horror, a tad effeminate and temperamental.
"Bloody hell!" Shuttlecock exclaimed this morning as he sat munching the bottom layer of a box of dark chocolates which he'd somehow managed to keep out of long suffering wife Anne's grasp. "Elton John an uphill gardener? If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I'd never have believed it. I've liked his records, right the way back to Rocket Man but I had no idea he was that way inclined. I mean, I thought he was a proper man's man - what with Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting and Crocodile Rock. I mean, gays don't usually sing songs about crocodiles. I never suspected a thing. Not even when he sang Daniel - I thought that was about his brother or his dad or something. Still, never mind, we've still got some solid heterosexual acts doing the rounds. Real men's bands, like Marc Almond, the Village People, Jimmy Summerville, Boy George and George Michael. Can't go far wrong with them. And they aren't gay."
More as we gay - sorry - get it.