Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Monday, 8 August 2005

image for Britney Spears Reveals Her Baby is a Clone of Republican Bill Frist

HOLLYWOOD (AP)--Pop princess Britney Spears and her husband Kevin Federline have revealed that their first baby will be a clone of leading Republican Senator Bill Frist.

Dr. Frist is a medical doctor and a transplant surgeon who recently broke ranks with other Republicans and US President George W. Bush on the issues of stem cell research and cloning, both of which he is now in favor of. Frist went public after watching the brilliant new movie "The Island" directed by Michael Bay and starring Scarlett Johansson and Ewan McGregor, although he'd arranged for his clone to be born many months before.

Frist now wants clones of senior, rich Republicans quickly made in order to create "insurance policies" for the nation's rich ruling class (see related story).

Britney and Kevin were initially glad to comply. Frist's clone is expected to be born this September, but paternity and ownership of the clone are now at issue, with a legion of lawyers already battling it out in court. Also, the name of the clone is in question. Britney and Kevin cannot agree over what to call their baby if it is a boy, and Bill Frist is insisting that the baby be named Bill Junior.

Britney prefers the name Charlie because she really likes the Johnny Depp movie "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" but Federline wants it called Kevin Junior.

Unnamed friends of the couple quoted in Britain's Daily Star newspaper say that "Kevin wants the kid named after him, but Britney has dug in her heels and wants the name Charlie, which is a good name whether the child is a boy or a girl. But Bill Frist wants Billy-boy Jr. This is really a mixed up and complicated situation. You all have to see that great movie 'The Island' in order to sort all of this out."

Meanwhile, singer and actress Jessica Simpson disclosed that she had advised Britney and her husband not to give birth to a Republican clone, especially not a clone of Bill Frist. Simpson also urged Britney to renounce their reality show "Britney&Kevin: Chaotic" after the first series before it ruins their lives.

Simpson confessed that she disliked her own contract to do three series of her own reality show with her husband "Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica" and she regrets she lost two years of their lives, especially since it interfered with her own plans to give birth to a Republican clone.

"I'm going to go ahead and give birth of a clone of President George W. Bush," she confessed. "Georgie asked me not to tell anyone about this, but our little clone will grow up to be a good Republican and he or she will fight in the Iraqi war in order to steal their oil for my SUV and Hummer and make Exxon Mobil and other American oil companies very, very happy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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