Written by mattymc13
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Sunday, 12 December 2010

EastEnders fans are being told to brace themselves for "the most gruesome scene in British soap history."

The scene, which is to air next week, will show Walford's regular fat slapper, Pat Butcher, tucking into a bacon sandwich when her face suddenly splits into three pieces due to the weight of her earrings. She will be rushed to hospital, but her fate is yet to be revealed.

Pam St. Clement, who plays "Fat Pat", described the scene as the toughest she has ever filmed.

"It was tough, really tough. They kept squirting me with fake blood. It tasted quite nice, so I prolonged the scene for as long as I could" said Pam.

"I've had to do some torrid stuff before. I once had to force a smile when a naked Mike Reid came to my door wearing only a spinning bowtie."

It's an unfortunate situation for Pat, as she was intending to fly to New Zealand to spend Christmas with her son, Simon. But aviation officials deemed she was "too massive" for commercial flight.

Pat is known for her earrings in Albert Square, but recently they have started to get more extreme. Regular extra Winston, who plays a market trader, was hospitalised after being run over by a loose earring that Pat dropped outside the Queen Vic after drinking too much scotch.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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