CORRECTION - An earlier news item regarding research results indicating that men have a harder time listening to womens' voices than other mens' voices was reported incorrectly.
The research results indicate that men hear women just fine, but seldom have the time or energy to LISTEN to a species which hardly ever shuts up.
Researchers at Sheffield University in Northern England discovered startling differences in the way the brain responds to male and female sounds. Female sounds were often accompanied by tensing up, gritting of teeth, or attempts to zone out with drugs or alcohol. "After a couple has had sex," that is. "Prior to that most males do a fairly good job of paying attention, or at least petending to do so, attempting to decode the voice inflections that indicate an impending booty call."
Researcher Michael Hunter as saying, "The female voice is actually more grating than the male voice, due to differences in the size and shape of the vocal cords and larynx . As well, since women hardly ever stop talking, the decoding process necessarily bogs down in any male animal attempting to do anything besides giving a woman his undivided attention. "Tiring" is how most men describe listening to women complain, whine, and gossip.
According to Hunter, "The average guy comes home from work dog tired. He wants his wife to meet him at the door with a cold beer. It seldom happens. All he really wants is to be fed, and fucked. Active listening is work, and the last thing a man wants to do after arriving home is more work. Homework."
Said Ed Peeves, a research subject from the Bronx, "You listen to two guys and it's "How you doin'. No, how are YOU doin." It's easy on the ears. If you ever listen to two women talking it's "He said...and then She said... over and over and over" Listening to two women having a conversation is like trying to follow a freakin' soap opera. Other conversations with women (including 'Do these pants make me look fat') are like treading through a minefield.
People suffering hallucinations usually report hearing male voices, the report added, as anyone with recurring nightmares including a woman's whiney, nagging voice is likely to have already shot himself. By comparison, a mate kidding you about your beer belly is known to be empathizing, not merely criticizing.
According to the researchers, older and wiser males learn simply to "telegraph" their "faux listening" with phrases like "Yes, dear," and "Of Course, Right Away! " which give the female the desired acknowledgement, and liscense to continue speaking. Says Hunter, "It may be the lazy way out, but it's the only safe one."