SIOUX CITY, Iowa - Billy Ray Cyrus traveled to Iowa to see about purchasing a brand new tractor for his farm. He was asked by a member of the local media what he thought about his daughter Miley being video taped taking a hit on a bong.
Cyrus shook his head and said that he is sad, disappointed, ashamed, confused, and downright constipated at the way Miley has been acting since her 18th birthday party.
Billy Ray confessed that a good friend of Miley's had actually texted him and told him that someone had put some kind of semi-illegal substance in the birthday cake batter.
Cyrus, who had several country music hits back in the early 90s including "Achy Breaky Heart," "Achy Breaky Heart Part Two," and "Friggin Achy Breaky Heartless," said that a lot of the blame has to be put on the unfaithful shoulders of his ex-wife, Miley's mom Leticia, aka Tish, aka Runaround Tish, aka the Itchy Bitchy Bitch.
Billy Ray pointed out that Bret Michaels claimed to be his good friend while all along he was pokin' Tish's bikini burger. He shook his head and added that Michaels even recorded a song with Miley appropriately titled "Nothing To Lose But Your Reputation."
Miley also recorded a music video for her hit song "Can't Be Tamed." The video was directed by award-winning director Charleen Belle Pinnzucker and included all types of deviant behavior such as third base touching, gazonga grabbing, junk in the trunk fondling, and bearded taco nibbling.
Billy Ray says that he is realizing his worst fear and that is that Miley Cyrus is turning into Lindsay Lohan. He shook his head and said that his little girl has gone from being Hannah Montana to being Lindsay Idaho.
In other news. Oprah Winfrey told Joy Behar that the rumor that her and Beyonce were recently caught playing 'you touch my playpen and I'll touch yours' in New Mexico is positively not true. Winfrey added that she hasn't been in New Mexico since the summer of 2002.