Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Howard Stern

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

image for Howard Stern to Crew: Be Happy Unemployment Is Extended, Because I'm Retiring.

Sirius superstar Howard Stern has received $497 million of his 5 year, $1/2 billion contract. Now, just days before Christmas, and a year after he decided to retire, Stern has let his cast and crew know that they'll need new jobs in 2011.

"Do you know how many jobs I missed out on?" screamed Stern Show producer Gary Dell'Abate. "Mets pitching coach, tooth model, appearing in 'before' pictures for weight-loss pills! I'm f--ked."

"Most of my cast and crew has been with me since the early 80's," said Stern, moments before he and his wife, Seabiscuit, boarded a solid-gold helicopter headed toward their Hamptons mansion. "What better way to thank them than by telling them that I'm retiring 2 weeks before my contract is up?"

"They're still going to get one more paycheck. That'll carry them through Christmas, as long as they don't buy their kids presents. Hoo hoo."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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