Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 8 December 2010

image for Oprah Signs New Movie Deal, Buys Entire Crew a New House
The Color Pink door to heaven.

Feeling perhaps a bit guilty over the type of character she will play for an HBO original movie, the queen of daytime talk television has purchased her entire movie crew a new house.

Reportedly acting as a Madame for a house of ill repute, Ms. Winfrey seemed to concerned over how she might be received in this less than Christian and conservative role. It was also disclosed by HBO, that Winfrey was never the original choice for the role.

James Wallbanger, director for the movie tentatively titled, "The Color Pink", says that Winfrey may not be believable as a prostitute turned Madame. "She shows the skills of being a smart business woman which plays well as the owner/manager of the whorehouse, but I'd have a hard time picking her out of a lineup when she used to be available for calling customers."

The first day of shooting was early Monday morning, where Winfrey spent the full day before at her residential church. Some believe that the guilt began to grow on Sunday leading to her gifting actions on Monday. During the morning full cast and crew kick-off meeting, Winfrey reportedly announced that she would be buying everyone their own house "somewhere in Long Beach, near the studios".

Winfrey's handlers, too numerous to count, were quick to rush to her side and caution her about promises made when housing prices in California were quite a bit different from the remote suburbs of Chicago. Small studio apartments with no view run above a $Million, and houses can be considerably more than that. One handler commented, "She may have to go back to work for real", given the first estimate of her promissory note ran above $150 million.

Winfrey is not expected to renege on her verbal promise, though she now admits that religious guilt is the best kind of guilt in the world, as well as the most expensive.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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