Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 8 December 2010

image for J.Lo's "Down Low" Photos To Be Pub(l)icly Exposed!
A photo of Jennifer Lopez taken at the age of 16, before her ass expanded to the humongous size that it is now.

LOS ANGELES - The newest judge on American Idol is already causing quite a stir courtesy of photos that were taken while she was married to ex-husband Ojani "Ouija Board" Noa.

It appears that in the eleven months that he was married to the big butted singer, Ojani pronounced [O-KLA-Ho-Ma], reportedly took over 7,600 photographs of his then wife in various stages of dress, undress, nudity, nakedness, and vavavoom.

Noa has now decided to share dozens of these never-before-seen photos with the Internet family which as of last count numbered somewhere between 4 billion and 5 billion.

The photos which the former Mr. Jennifer Lopez has singled out are ones that he personally took when the couple visited his home country of Cuba.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I called Larry King to inquire about the photos but his wife said he was in the shower. So I decided to call Ojani Noa personally, having met him at a McDonald's in Brooklyn two years ago. Ojani said that the photos show J.Lo riding a Yamaha clearly exposing her Hoohaha. Noa added that the pictures were shot during Jennifer's 'panties be damned' period (no pun intended)].

Meanwhile, 41-year-old Jennifer Lopez is reportedly angrier than an Eskimo whose igloo has caught fire and melted completely down to the ground.

A close friend of both parties remarked to Oprah Winfrey that Ojani has received over 200 text messages in the past three days alone from J.Lo asking him to please not release the photos.

The close friend who really did not want to be identified stated that Ojani told her that Lopez had used the word 'please' a total of 3,903 times.

The close friend, Salvadora Navarro-Nutmeg, (oops!) noted that if Noa agreed to not release the photos she would pay him $18,000 cash, buy him a 2011 Lexus, and give him a $1,000 gift certificate good at any of the hundreds of Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos Restaurants located throughout the United States, but not in Arizona.

SIDENOTE: Jennifer Lopez was asked if this Yamaha-HoohahaGate incident is going to affect her judging on the upcoming season of American Idol. She raised her eyebrows and replied in her Puerto Rican-Bronx accent, "Effen A it's gonna affect my friggin judging. I ain't no skank ho like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, or Lindsay Lohan, who like to go around exposing their mofoing twats, I'm Jennifer Lopez, aka J.Lo and I do, I repeat, I do have some pride, respect, and damn freakin decency dammit!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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