Written by Bureau
Print this

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

image for WikiLeaks: Putin Says Robert Pattinson No Relation To Vlad The Impaler!

Former(?) Russian leader Vladimir Putin was quoted as saying that there was no way an actor like Robert Pattinson could be related to Vlad the Impaler.

"That pansy Pattinson would crap his pants if he ever came around old Vlad with all those people he destroyed."

Putin is not saying that the WikiLeaks are wrong or false. He was quoted at a meeting with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton early this fall.

Hillary had replied that she had never met the young man so she had no opinion. "I've not even seen the movies. When would I have time?"

But Putin wasn't through, if the Leaks are correct.

"I saw it on the internet that Pattinson was going over to see the castle. It's a wonder THAT didn't deter him. Thousands of Vlad's enemies died there and probably were thrown in a big hole somewhere."

"I am a real descendant of Vlad. I even have his name, "Vladimir". I can be completely ruthless should I choose to be. Now go chase that husband down and cut his nuggets off, Madame Secretary. That's the only way to stop that."

"Oh, I stopped it with some stuff in his tea, if you get what I mean?"

"You're a woman after my own heart."

End of WikiLeak.

Make Bureau's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 plus 5?

8 16 9 13
50 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more