With the show now down to the last five acts we can report that all stars and judges have been struck down with a 'flu-like' virus which has rendered every one of them voiceless. This will not be much of a surprise to music purists who consider the majority of contestants 'voiceless' at the best of times.
Simon Cowell, his head wrapped in a fluffy towel and smelling of Olbas, gasped, "It's not looking good for tonight. Where's my Lemsip?"
Ant and Dec are jubilant as it means that their own show, 'I'm a Celebrity...' will now be televised for a solid 11 hours later tonight. Asked if they were happy Ant said, "One Hundered per cent YES!" and Dec countered with "One Million per cent YES!".
More bad news is that the show will be back on next week.