BAD AXE, Michigan - Christina Aguilera was visiting a friend in Michigan when she was asked about her divorce.
At first Lady Ah Ah did not want to talk about it since she said that it brings up sad memories that make her cry and cause her eye makeup to run like a crazy son-of-a-bitch.
After she was pressed about it for the fourth time she decided to reveal the real reason.
She said that many members of the media thought that she had divorced her husband Jordan Bratman because he had caught her in bed with dozens of different women on dozens of different occasions.
Aguilera said that it was not true. She did admit that she does like to bump biscuits on occasion but that she tries to limit her quasi-lesbianite trysts to no more than two per week.
She said that the rumor about her wanting to be artificially inseminated and her husband not wanting her to were completely and utterly false.
Christina said that last year she had a do-it-yourself tubal ligation done which only cost her $17 so having babies in any way, shape, or form was definitely out of the question.
She finally admitted that the real reason why she divorced her husband was because he refused to change his last name. Christina said that she had been after him from the first week of their marriage to change his last name from Bratman.
Aguilera told him that she did not appreciate being known as Christina Bratman and revealed that other singers such as Lady Gaga, Kelly Clarkson, and Ke$ha had all made fun of her 'Bratty' last name.
After Jordan refused to change his surname she said that she had no recourse but to divorce him on grounds of irreconcilable surnames.
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