Written by Neil Levine
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Monday, 1 August 2005

image for Paris Hilton Has Comeback
Paris Hilton Is Prepared

Hollywood and Paris, France--At a mere twenty-four years old, Paris Hilton is making the first of what is sure to be many, many happy comebacks, having just signed up for another of what would appear to be a seemingly endless season of "The Simple Life," her reality tv expose of what it is to be rich and spoiled with nothing better to do than make an outsized fuss over almost nothing at all, wherein Paris reveals her innermost thoughts and personal secrets, chills with her best bud Nicole and makes it clear she likes the good life but not responsibility or protocol and does not like to be bothered with petty details. That sort of thing is for others to handle.


The reunion with Nicole, her infamously connected co-star, the off-season offspring of music superstar Lionel, has been reported to have gone smoothly with the two having been reported nightclubbing some local boys into submitting to the girl's submissions or whatever they thought they were doing or not doing, as their cosmetic case may be. The two women have gotten so used to togetherness that they giggle together, they shop together and they hissy fit together.


The reputed falling out between Paris and Nicole has been brushed aside as a mere trifle, not worthy of unmentioning. A publicity release said they had become ONE and would always remain ONE no matter who won.


Paris is clearly developing a deep cultured resume as a media personality having played herself more times than it is worth counting and also spoofing what amounts to a parody of herself in, at current count, twelve movies plus numerous media appearances. Her roles have ranged from a girl on a beach to a strung out supermodel to a Paris Hilton look-alike, quite a stretch of the imagination for a uber personality like Paris and also encompassed guest stints on "THE O.C," "Las Vegas," and "The George Lopez Show" plus other appearances where she may or may not have been seen.


The loss of a valuable Kwiat piece of jewelry has led Paris to sell her own line of pink sparklers, a bottle of perfume and a tell all book, where she holds back nothing and leaves nothing to the imagination.


It appears her next move is going to be into producing! Exactly what? Does it matter? This is Paris in the summer!


For the time being, Miss Hilton has sworn off phone work, a lack of experience many people are grateful for. Her mother Kathy has no comment on all of this, but does wish the world well.


Next week: we reveal how Nicole developed a blooming career. And warns everyone, "Please don't answer the phone!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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