Following the release of a new sexy ad on satirical website TheSpoof.com which depicts some girl who looks like she's being served a portion from behind, local man, Martin Shuttlecock declared that sex is best when it all goes tits up.
We've all enjoyed ecstatic moments, but the best ones have to be when it all goes wrong, Shuttlecock insisted.
"Good sex is great," Shuttlecock told SEN's Buffty Ginslinger. "But it's much funnier when it all goes wrong. Like the time I was boning the wife on the beach at Littlehampton in the car and the tide was coming in. That was a close call."
It appears that Shuttlecock once enjoyed a varied and frequently disastrous sex life, and the silly bastard is actually quite proud of it.
"I was once getting jiggy with a lady on her doorstep when her dad opened the door and we both fell into the hallway," Shuttlecock chuckled. "I thought he'd kill me, but he just stood on the doorstep frowning. I can still hear me heels clicking on the pavement as I walked away. Haunting it was."
Then there was the time that Shuttlecock absolutely refuses to discuss, when he trod in dog shit in a hotel corridor and found himself hopping about stark bollock naked on one foot.
All this without mentioning the mad woman with the hats and the sword, who he once gave such a seeing to that his performance attracted applause from drunks in the street outside.
And calls for an encore.
Shuttlecock insists though, that the funniest bit occurs when your aim isn't quite true, and you prod the wrong orifice - or attempt to.
"Funny that," he told Buffty Ginslinger. "They usually say that that little thing is hardly worth the bother, but when you hover near the danger zone, they say "You ain't putting that THING up my arse!" - amazing how perspective changes. My love life is like a train crash anyway. I'm just waiting for the viagra for Christmas - cue more disasters. You've got to laugh..."
Erm...no we don't.
Next up - three in a bed and erotic ear wax licking...
You couldn't make this up.
It's all Monkey Woods's fault.
More as we remember.