Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 1 December 2010

image for Former Atomic Kitten Liz McClarnon Says Goodbye To Her Muffin Top And 'Ello To Her Lower Biscuit
Atomic Kitten Liz McClarnon as she looks today. (Photo courtesy of Simon Cowell).

LONDON - Liz McClarnon, former member of the Atomic Kitten, appeared in Look Much Closer Magazine and showcased her brand new slender look.

McClarnon said that she went from a size 10 to a size 4 in four short weeks. She said that the secret was to eat a daily diet consisting strictly of half a Brazil nut, half a grape, and half an M&M.

She said that you can drink all of the water that you want. She pointed out that she personally drank about two gallons a day which wasn't bad once you learn to put up with all of the bothersome stomach sloshing.

Liz told her pedicurist, Dylan "Nancy Boy" Tellyham, that she was glad to get rid of her unsightly muffin top and replace it with a gorgeous-looking lower biscuit.

The 29-year-old native of Liverpool said that she received text messages from the other two Atomic Kitten members, Natasha Hamilton and Jenny Frost encouraging her to continue with her diet.

They also asked her if she could please repay them each the £500 [$780 U.S.] that she borrowed from them three years ago when they performed at The Luck of The Irish Convention Center in Irish Spring, Ireland.

McClarnon texted them back and told them that she would pay them both back by either March 17, or May 23, of next year.

SIDENOTE: Liz stated that she is still receiving royalties from three of the groups biggest hit songs; "Whole Wheat Flakes," "Eternal Flame In Me Knickers," and "The Tide Is High, But The Cheer Is Low."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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