Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 1 December 2010

image for Gyllenhaal Approached for Brokeback Mountain Sequel
"I can't quit you. Now drop those trousers"

Original producers for the controversial film have approached Jake Gyllenhaal about a sequel featuring his character on a memory-lane camping trip back to the mountain, only to be visited by the ghostly embodiment of Heath Ledger's character.

While early scripts were leaked to the press, including the description of how Ledger's character returns in the form of a mountain goat, confirming in the process the Hindu belief of reincarnation, Gyllenhaal's new gal-pal Taylor Swift, didn't seem too pleased with the concept. Assistant to Ms. Swift, Anita Badderie, spoke on her behalf. "Taylor didn't feel that Jake's best career move was to go back to being gay, much less someone who succumbs to bestiality. It's gross".

Or is it just baaaad. With Hollywood on the sequel kick these days, including trying to revive such franchises as Lethal Weapon and Die Hard, both on their fifth iteration, it was no shock that Brokeback Mountain came up for discussion. "It's getting pretty ridiculous", says veteran and retired "B" movie producer Mel DeKuyper. "Lethal Weapon 5, The Search for Viagra", or "Die Hard 5, We Haven't Killed 'Em All Yet" were two examples in the planning stages. DeKuyper commented, "It's no wonder those idiots are trying to bring back the Mountain. A talking, reincarnated goat rekindling a romance with a long lost gay lover in the form of Gyllenhaal? Please. My Killer Eggplant Movies had better plots".

Anita Badderie added, "Taylor isn't ready to deal with another unwelcome controversy. She would much rather have her new man batting from the right side of the plate, without any speculation about his sexual orientation, thank you very much. She would like to have Jake focus on sexually orienting her, and nothing else".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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