Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Wednesday, 1 December 2010

image for Lack Of Bathrooms On Enterprise Made Big Mess Says Mr. Spock
There Are No Toilets In Outer Space

Hollywood, CA - Star Trek's Mr. Spock says the absence of any type of bathroom facilities on the Starship Enterprise was 'very illogical'. Mr. Spock says it caused 'great discomfort' to the crew, and it created 'horrendous' sanitary conditions.

"To forget something like basic plumbing was astonishing." said Mr. Spock as he raised an eyebrow. "Illogical human beings with quaint ideas about bodily functions made for some very uncomfortable voyages." said the Vulcan.

"A lot of times crew members would 'go' on some alien planet after beaming down. That is not a good way to begin an inter-species relationship." lectured Mr. Spock. "Toilet habits and customs of indigenous races must always be observed at all times." he stated.

Mr. Spock said long space voyages were the worst.

"We had over 400 crew members, and no toilets. It was quite fascinating to watch how the humans behaved. Many of the crew "took a dump"--an illogical expression by the way--wherever they could get away with it. The Engineering deck was often used. It used to make Mr. Scott furious."

Mr. Spock says he was happy to live long enough for indoor plumbing to be re-invented.

"By the time the Next Generation took the helm, the problem was solved. I will never understand the complete lack of logic of humans and their bodily functions." he said flatly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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