LONDON - The BBC Executive Director of New Shows Ellery Chilliwack has stated that he has signed former X-Factor contestant Katie Waissel and her grandmother, the 81-year-old prostitute Shelia Vogel to star in a new sit-com titled, The Working Girls of Wembley.
The show will be produced and directed by Chamberlain Windsorchipley, Jr. who in the past has had successful sit-coms including Robin Hood and Me Mum, The Rumpy Pumpy WAGS of Chelsea, Lady Tickety Boo - Abso-Bloody-Lutely Knackered, and Strictly Come Boinking We Jest We Does.
Katie Waissel was approached by Windsorchipley shortly after she learned that she had been eliminated from X-Factor.
The producer/director found her in her dressing room backstage trying to drown her sorrow with a bottle of Lord Cornwallis Sipping Whiskey, a huge bag of Cheetos, and a naked photo of Russell Brand.
He knocked on her door. She answered and asked "Who da bloody bloomin 'ell ya be bloke?"
He told her that he was Chamberlain Windsorchipley, Jr. She shrugged her shoulders and asked if he was the X-Factor security guard that had come to escort her off the property and make sure that she did not steal anything of value such as a folding chair, some lipstick, or a curtain.
He giggled in his Ipswich accent and told her that he was a famous BBC producer/director and that he wanted to sign her to appear in a brand new situation comedy that he was producing and directing.
Waissel got so excited that she peed in her knickers. She dabbed at her wet groin region with the Cheetos bag and told Windsorchipley that she was sorry for wetting herself and for having a few drops spill onto his Buster Brown shoes.
He told her not to worry and that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. She looked puzzled and replied, "But mate, we be in bloody London we be."
Windsorchipley smiled. He showed her the contract, told her to read it, and he left. He went to visit Waissel's grandmother Shelia Vogel and presented his television proposal to her.
Shelia V. grinned and said that she would love to do the show and that it would be a welcome break from having to work the streets of London looking for blokes to pop her velvet garden (yeast mill).
The show will be set in Wembley and Katie will be portraying Hester Minnyshucker, a scatter-brained waitress who works at The Jolly Pip Pip House of Crumpets.
Shelia will star as 81-year-old Neppie Bickentabby, the oldest waitress in Great Britain.
The "Bickster" as she is called soon becomes involved in a menage-a-trois with Buckingham Palace guard Regis Von Buckfast, 41, and his mother Lorraine Bernice Von Buckfast, 57.
In a non-related story. Simon Cowell told a reporter for The London Hand-Held Daily Mirror that he now has more money than China, Russia, and that low-life cheating chap Ashley Cole combined.