Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 30 November 2010

image for X-Factor Cast-Off Wagner Carrilho To Tour With The All-Girl Band, The Saturdays
Each of the five girls in The Saturdays wears a different colored bra while performing. (Photo courtesy of Russell Brand).

LONDON - Wagner Fiuza Carrilho's facial expression has gone from a blitheringly bleak frown to a bloomingly blissful smile.

The Brazilian-born singer was eliminated from X-Factor during the past weekend. Carrilho reportedly told his personal hair stylist Sheppy of Shepherd's Bush that the real reason that he was eliminated was because the judge's did not like the way he wore his hair.

He noted that Louis Walsh had secretely remarked to Danni Minogue that there was no way that he was going to allow an individual with Wagner's hairdo to win the top prize.

Minogue, at first, disagreed saying that as far as she was concerned hair did not really matter since it was after all a singing competition.

Dannii did remark that what she did not like about Carrilho was the way that he would mispronounce words like Buckingham Palace, Piccadilly Circus, Chicharito, and Engelbert Humperdinck.

Meanwhile Simon Cowell said that the Pensnett Dudley native just sat around bragging much to much about how Brazil has billions and billions more Brazil nuts than England has crumpets.

Judge Cheryl Cole simply said that she truly felt that Queen Elizabeth had a much better singing voice than Mr. Carrilho.

Chezza also noted that the Queen's attitude was a zillion times better than Wagner's, plus her majesty did not sit around grabbing at her crotch every three minutes.

But now it seems that the 54-year-old Mr. Wagner Fiuza Carrilho may be having the last laugh as he has just signed on to tour with the all-girl British-Irish band The Saturdays.

The five girls and Carrilho will soon embark on what is now being called The Saturdays British Isles Christmas Tour Featuring The Brazilian Nut Himself Wagner Fiuza Carrilho.

SIDENOTE: Since there are five girls in the all-girl band, one of them will have to share a room with Wagner. The girls drew straws and Mollie King lost, so for the duration of the concert tour she will get to be Carrilho's roommate, platonic as-the-dickens of course.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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