Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 30 November 2010

image for I'm A Celeb - Americans Just 'Don't Get' British Lavatory Humour
Writer Continues Steady Decline - Going Under...

It seems Brits get it, but Americans don't. On last night's edition of 'I'm A Celeb', vacuous American (What was her mother thinking?) nude model Kayla Collins went off on one because 'somebody' had wallpapered the side of the dunny.

With shit.

And she was 'really pissed' because she had to do a cleandown before she could do a dump herself. As opposed to being "pissed off" and washing the dishes

Which baffled the British contingent. Who find shit 'hilarious' whereas our colonial cousins find it 'disgusting and just plain nasty.'

90% of Brits find shit hilarious, compared with only 2% of our American cousins. 89% of Brits find horrible farts quite laughable, compared to only 0.0002% of Americans, who find horrible farts 'gross and just DISGUSTING.'

A leading British stand-up comedian, Matt Hatt, told our reporter:

"What can be funnier than doing a silly walk towards your front door, in desperate need of the bog, buttocks clenched so tight they're throwing out sparks...and then you don't quite make it in time. You offload in your pants within whispering distance...That's it. You know you're a loser. You've besmirched the holy unsullied canvas with last night's vindaloo. It's embarrassing - not that I've ever done it - but it is hysterical."

American comedy expert, Levi T Boggs, told Skoob Entertainment News:

"All this talk about shit is just gross. I'm with Kayla on this one. Shit is just disgusting. I don't ever get why people would wanna talk about that kinda shit. Those guys are just weird. Obssessed with shit...that just ain't natural."

LeBron Cupboard, a spokesman for 'The Church Of Shitology' told SEN:

"We all shit, buddy. It's a fact of life. Some folks find it funny, and some folks just choke on the backwash as they try to disappear up their own arseholes. We at the Church Of Shitology think that some people really appreciate shit, and others think that shit is an alien manifestation, but it isn't really for us to judge."

"Exactly!" said an English man in the street when confronted by UK celeb, Esther Rantzen. "Shit's just shit innit? We all do it. And it invariably stinks."

Kayla Collins, however, disputed this analysis:

"My shit doesn't stink," a friend reported her as saying. "In fact, I don't ever shit. I live in Hollywood, you know."

Which prompted former Mondays frontman, Shaun Ryder to quip:

"If you don't shit, you get full of it. Not mentioning any names, like..."

Celebrity vegan, part time (BA hons - Uni Of Lagos $33.49 )parchment replica and turd analyst, Doctor Gillian McKeith, was last night eliminated from the jungle contest as the most reviled woman in Britain, a point further highlighted when pictures of her poking one of Linford Christie's bowel movements was picked up on camera.

Anyway - she's out of it; it looks like Stacey's bound for glory now. Pure, sweet unaffected Stacey - who, according to sources lays ship's anchor cables whenever she visits the dunny. Although that has yet to be confirmed.

On point - this has to be, without a shadow of a doubt the most bollockingly shite story SEN has ever taken part in.

Our apologies to our three readers.

No shit.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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