Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 27 November 2010

image for Selena Gomez Is Absolutely Furious At Madonna's Verbal Attack On Demi Lovato
Madonna showing off six days of underarm hair growth. (Photo courtesy of Bristol Palin).

NEW YORK CITY - Selena Gomez performed a concert before a sell out crowd at Yankee Stadium. The concession stand director stated that they had never ever sold the amount of popcorn, Crackerjacks, and hot dogs that they sold during the two-hour concert which included opening acts Ke$ha and Yo Bro Moneybag$.

After the concert Gomez was asked what she thought about the scathing remarks that Madonna had made regarding her very close friend Demi Lovato.

Selena shook her head and stated that she has never been able to understand that has-been relic who calls herself Madonna.

Gomez said that it appears that the older the "Material Girl" bitch gets, the meaner she is becoming. Selena said that she suggests that Madonna do a new version of her 1957 song but that she change the name to the more politically correct "Material Grandmother."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The Madonna remarks that Selena is referring to are the ones she made to Bill O'Reilly about how Demi Lovato cannot sing, dance, act, or even make commercials anywhere near as good as she (Madonna) used to do.]

The not-shy-at-all Gomez went on to say that Madonna is so damn old that she once saw a painting of her necking with Attila the Hun. She added that Madonna has cellulite that has now started to get cellulite.

She went on to say that the only reason Madonna can still hit the high notes is because she had her G-spot tightened, her ovaries re-aligned, and her perineum stretched like a snare drum.

From The Unusual Facts Department: It would take 34,973,218 fire ants to equal the weight of a full grown African male elephant, assuming of course that none of the fire ants are overweight.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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