Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 22 December 2010

image for Sandra Bullock "The Kissing Bandit" Confesses That Her Next Kissing Targets Are Shakira, Christina Aguilera, Cheryl Cole, and Ke$ha
Sandra "The Kissing Bandit" relaxing in her Austin, Texas mansion. (Photo courtesy of Michelle Obama).

AUSTIN - This year's Best Actress winner Sandra Bullock recently confided to her gynecologist, Dr. Osgood Forkingview, that she has really gotten quite the reputation for being 'The Good Looking Chick Who Loves To Kiss Good Looking Chicks.'

Bullock divorced her husband, Jessie "Dick With Feet" James, because it just seemed that he had to 'poke' (boink) every broad that came along who was covered with tattoos from the top of her head down to her knockers, to her bikini taco, down to her thighs, and ending on the soles of her feet.

Sandra does not shy away from the fact that she really and truly loves kissing females although not in a lesbianite way. She said that when she first kissed Meryl Streep on stage before 130 million people she felt a rush that she had never felt before.

She compared it to the feeling a woman gets after finally going number one, after having held it for three or four hours. Bullock confessed that when she kissed Scarlett Johansson, the feeling was even more sensuous and unbelievably erotic.

Bullock said that Scarlett has the softest, sexiest, sweetest smelling lips that she has ever kissed including those of Paris Hilton, Ellen DeGeneres, and "First Mama" Michelle Obama.

When asked who is on her list of women she would love to kiss next, the Austin native paused, grinned, and replied, "Well I think that probably number one would have to be that Colombian fire-cracking belly dancer Shakira."

Sandy noted "If Shakira can move her lips the way she moves her hips this Texas gal is liable to faint all over the effen place."

Bullock then disclosed that right behind Shakira would be Christina Aguilera, Cheryl Cole, and Ke$ha. The ex-Mrs. Jesse James then pointed out that the four women that she absolutely has no desire to kiss are Madonna, Ann Coulter, Whoopi Goldberg, and Amy Winehouse.

From The Rumor Department: President Obama has stated that the rumor that three of Mexico's drug cartels are getting ready to militarily invade Arizona have not been verified. He added that if and when an invasion should occur that he is prepared to send at least a half dozen U.S. advisors into Arizona to help Governor Jan Brewer and her assistant Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio figure out what the hell to do.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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