SAN ANTONIO - Eva Longoria, who has already dropped using the name Parker after her maiden name, sat visiting in the home of fellow San Antonians Mr. and Mrs. George Strait.
Eva had been invited to the luxurious Strait mansion by the country music icon who has been Longoria's favorite singer since she was a cheerleader back at Blackbeard The Buccaneer High School in Corpus Christi, Texas.
Mrs. Strait, aka Norma, noted that her favorite all-time show is Desperate Housewives, in which Eva stars as Gabrielle Solis, the sexy, horny, can't get enough (blank) wife who lives on Wisteria Lane.
Norma Strait stated that Eva confided in her that since filing for divorce from Tony Parker, of the San Antonio Spurs, on grounds of irreconcilable infidelity and alienation of the groin region that the Hispanic starlet has been extremely embarrassed and very upset.
Eva remarked to both Norma and George that she could not believe that Tony had actually sent close to one thousand extremely intimate and explicit text messages to Erin Barry, wife of Tony Baloney's ex-Spurs teammate Brent Barry.
She then added that the reason she is so surprised is because she really did not think that Tony could write English that good since he does after all refer to himself as "Frenchy."
Eva, put down her papaya Margarita glass, laughed, and stated that if Tony is French then she (Eva) is really Savannah Jo Giddykoontz, daughter of Grand Exalted Dragon Wizard Rayford "Whitey" Giddykoontz, of the Grand Imperial Order of The Knights of The Off-White Bougainvillea Chapter of The Ku Klux Klan.
Mrs. Strait told Eva that she has read that she has about six or seven tattoos located throughout her svelte body. Eva replied that it was a fact and that she is now in the process of trying to find a tattoo removal specialist so that she can have three of the tattoos removed.
She pointed out that she cannot believe that she had fallen so deeply in love with, as she calls Parker, "Mr. Wiener For Brains" that she actually got three personal tattoos on her body which she now wants to remove pronto (fast).
Norma asked her what the tattoos are and where they are. Eva said that one is a tattoo that reads "Nine" which is on the back of her neck. She added that the nine stands for Tony the twits Spurs jersey number.
She then said that she has a second marital tattoo on her wrist which reads "VII VII 0 VII" which stands for 7-7-07, and she quickly added that it signifies the mother effen, friggin date that they were married.
Longoria said that the third tattoo is located on a very, very personal location that is much too intimate for her to mention.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I called up Larry King, but his wife said that he was taking a nap. So I called up Mario Lopez, a very, very, very, close friend of Longoria's and asked him if he knew where Eva's third "Parkeresque" tattoo was located. Mario hesitated at first, but then he remarked that Eva would not really mind so he said that the third tattoo spells out "This Bikini Taco Belongs To El Tony" and it is located smack dab on her...bikini taco.]