LONDON - Cheryl Cole was speaking before the English Garden Club at the Monty Python Hotel in Brompton when she was asked how her American boyfriend was doing.
She smiled and said proudly that Derek and his dance partner Jennifer Grey had just won this year's edition of Dancing With The Stars back in Hollywood and that after the shows finale he had immediately flown to London to be with her.
Cole was asked if she had ever felt at all jealous knowing that her boyfriend was spending up to 14 hours a day rehearsing with the attractive and svelte Grey.
She giggled and said that she never felt the least bit jealous since Grey is married, Grey is not as pretty as her, and Grey, who is 50, just happens to be old enough to be Derek's mum (mom).
Chezza was then asked, by a reporter for The London Daily Hand-Held Mirror, Titus Brockenhurst about her brand new tattoos. She raised her eyebrows and asked Brockenhurst how in the world he knew about her two brand new tattoos, which were supposed to be a secret.
Brockenhurst blushed and said that he could not reveal his source but that it was an American, who is 77-years-old, skinny, and wears suspenders.
Cole paused for a second and then remarked, "It wuz dot friggin Larry King, I nu it. Da elderly bloke promised dot he would not reveal da secret of me new effen tattoos but da knackered ponce did and tis a downright bloody, bloomin' shame innit?"
Brockenhurst, whom Cheryl has known ever since back when she did not have any tattoos, asked her if she could reveal what her new tattoos are and where on her lovely body they might be found.
She smiled and replied that she would be glad to reveal the first one but that the second one would remain a secret.
Cole blushed and said that the first one is a tattoo in the likeness of one of Derek's dancing shoes. Hough is known as "The Dancing Dude" so she wanted to honor him with the shoe tattoo which she noted is located on the lower part of her right bazonga (breasticle).
She pointed out that her other tattoo is much more personal and is located in an extremely private and intimate part of her body which no one but Derek and of course the tattoo artist knows about.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I placed a call to 'Mr. Suspenders,' Larry King, and I asked him if he perchance knew where Cheryl Cole's second new tattoo was. He laughed and asked if the Pope condemns Sarah Palin for going around and shooting unsuspecting reindeer, moose, and caribou from state owned helicopters? I answered that I was sure that he did. King giggled and said that the second of Cheryl's two brand new tattoos was a facial likeness of young Derek and that it was located right below her bikini line.]