Written by Inhopeless
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Topics: Lindsay Lohan, Crime

Thursday, 25 November 2010

LOS ANGELES - Lindsey Lohan, is again back in jail, however, she'll be there for life.

A new report by Los Angeles-based think-tank, Stats4LA, has found out that a rise in prison sentences for Lohan and similar 'celebs' leads to lower crime rates across the city.

"Even though Lohan is banged up in a women's prison," said Dr. Frank Thornes, "we've seen violent crime, gang crime, burglary, child-trafficking, pimping, rape, murder, etc. go down, even thought most of these are performed by men."

This phenomenon has been dubbed The Lohan Law, stating that if amount of prison time x for celebrity y leads to a direct drop in crime z linked to x.

"Essentially," said Dr. Thornes, "these criminals, or to-be-criminals, are scared of being in the same prison system as Lohan. Every single person in the facility that Lohan is in has applied for parole stating, 'we won't commit another crime, just keep that devil away from us'."

Barack Obama, seeing this new trend, has granted the US science team to apply the Lohan Law formula in other cities across the nation. The bill was fast-tracked through Congress, having all members of both sides agreeing.

The plan will be exported to Britain, who has an enormous glut of celebrities to fit the formula to.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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