Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 25 November 2010

image for 'Gossip Girl's' Taylor Momsen Turning Into The Poster Girl For Dysfunctional, Raccoon-Looking Prima Divas
The real Taylor Momsen shown without eye liner, mascara, lipstick, and deodorant. (Photo courtesy of Mel Gibson).

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Taylor Momsen, who looks more like a raccoon than a damn raccoon, is giving the producers of the CW hit show Gossip Girl fits.

An inside source says that the shows top two executives Hank Ficklebiter and Beyonce Joan Saddlewing are becoming more and more fed up with the fact that Momsen does not show up for the shows taping and when she does she cannot even memorize simple lines such as "Hi," "Huh?" and "Stop looking at my tits."

Reginald Flappwater, her ex-agent, stated that he gave up on her when she threw a Coke Zero at him during a radio station interview in Walla Walla, Washington two weeks ago.

He went on to say, that in his 37 years as a talent agent, he has never known a brattier, more spoiled, little bitch than Taylor Momsen.

Flappwater revealed that all she seems to ever do is complain, cuss, and cry about how misunderstood she is. He remarked that the 17-year-old would make a perfect poster girl for dysfunctional, raccoon-looking prima divas.

When asked why she wears so much eye liner, Taylor replied that she'll wear all the effen eye liner she friggin wants and if someone doesn't freakin like it then they can effen go to hell, Phoenix, or Tucson.

Taylor is the lead singer for the rock band the Pretty Reckless. She is currently touring with her band on The Taylor Momsen and The Pretty Reckless Year End Tour Of The Ozarks, Appalachians, and Catskills.

Songs By Taylor Momsen Include:

  • Miss Nothing But Skin Underneath Her Miniskirt
  • Just Tonight I'd Rather Watch The Tonight Show
  • I've Got The Bikini Taco Blues
  • Tattoos On My Tata's
  • The Ballad Of Nipples Nelly


[EDITOR'S NOTE: Many people have noted that Taylor Momsen looks like she could easily be the illegitimate daughter of Courtney Love and Andy Dick.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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