Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: Ghost, Derek Acorah

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

image for Derek Acorah Has Body Repossessed
A very old fashioned keyboard and mouse, yesterday.

Silver-haired ghost botherer Derek Acorah has sensationally had his body repossessed.

The chunky, Liverpudlian, ex-footballing, spook spotter was sat with friends when Kreed Kafer (an anagram of Derek Faker, made up by Dr. Cairan O'Keefe, parrot psychologist, anagram maker and scarf wearer) re-entered his body.

The sprightly-spook famously 'possessed' Acorah during an episode of the comedy series 'Most Haunted', before Acorah was kicked off for being a fake by the rest of the fake team, lead by Yvette Fielding and her husband Karl Beattie.

The sudden bodily insertion of the spirit of his anagram caused Derek to fall to his knees and cry out, while friends at the dinner party he was at, just carried on chatting.

They discussed the current economic crisis, the New Zealand mine disaster and the JFK assassination plot, all with Derek crying out in agony behind them.

As the starters were being finished Derek began grunting and got to his feet. Walking around the table, he clasped his lapels in his hands and began saying "get out of my house" in a deep booming voice with his chin on his chest.

The mains were brought to the table, as Derek creased his face up and began grunting once more. As the group discussed the quality of the cut of beef served that evening, Derek suddenly thrust his finger in to the air and bellowed "I'm a man, a bad man, a very, very bad man. A really very, very despicably bad man!"

Moving on to pudding, the group, addressing Acorah directly for the first time, told him to 'shut up for a bit then!' But undeterred, he continued marching slowly to and fro barking like a buffoon, and declaring the house as his and for the guests to 'leave, and leave now before it's too late!'

When pudding was finished and the coffee was flowing, Acorah suddenly dropped to his knees again and groaned.

His body was returned and the repossession was evidently at an end, and Acorah recalls none of it, except for a tight feeling in his chest.

Probably just indigestion, Derek.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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