Written by Charpa93
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Wednesday, 24 November 2010

image for Nigella Lawson Caught Smuggling Imported Knockwurst

Security screeners at LAX noticed something amiss when foodie Nigella Lawson came through their security line readying herself for a trip back home to London after spending a whirlwind couple of weeks in America.

After noticing Ms. Lawson acting a bit suspicious, screeners asked her to step in front of the full-body scan where a considerable bulge was detected about her waist extending down to her vajayjay area.

Ms. Lawson was then taken to a private screening area to be patted down. Over her protests, Ms. Lawson was indeed patted down, and it was then that two dozen links of imported knockwurst were found strapped around her waist, while one errant link dislodged and hung down in the vicinity of the private area.

The knockwurst had been labeled as having come from Geoseppi's Meat Market in Chicago, one of the many cities on Lawson's tour, and was a particularly expensive brand of knockwurst originating in Germany.

When asked to explain the knockwurst, a tearful Ms. Lawson stated "I didn't mean to break the law. It's just that I am somewhat of a sausage freak, and when I saw that this particular brand of knockwurst was being sold in America and not in the United Kingdom, as far as I am aware, something in me snapped. I knew I needed that particular knockwurst to make my famous German sausage, cabbage and potato stew."

Fortunately, Ms. Lawson was not arrested for smuggling; however, her knockwurst was confiscated and she was warned never to try that trick again.

One of the screeners was overheard saying as Ms. Lawson left the security area "Ok, now, that was weird. When I saw the screen, it looked exactly like that woman was sporting a chubby. Frisking her was totally bizarre, man. The 'thing' between her legs was freakishly squishy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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