HOLLYWOOD - Jennifer Grey, who due to various injuries has more aches and pains than a retired Hollywood stunt man, has won the season eleven Dancing With The Stars Mirror Ball Trophy.
Jennifer beat out Disney star Kyle "The Tootsie Roll" Massey and Alaskan teen advocate Bristol "The Pistol" Palin.
Grey, who was partnered with Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough was so thrilled that she literally ran out of tears. A spokesperson for DWTS said that Jen had been crying almost non-stop for the past 48 hours stopping only long enough to pee and to eat a tuna fish patty melt sandwich and some Cheetos.
In fact, Derek Hough said that he almost slipped on a puddle of Jenny's tears during one of the dance routine numbers but he was able to catch himself by grabbing on to one of Grey's hooters (the right one).
Jennifer, who is 50, said that at times she felt 50, and at other times she felt 90, like when Derek accidentally kicked her in her groin region while doing an animated Argentine paso doble during rehearsal.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Someone needs to tell the British announcer Nigel "The Bloomin' Bloke" Buckingshire, III, and the British judge Len The Grouchy Grouch" Goodman that the Argentine paso doble is pronounced AR-GEN-TEEN and not AR-GEN-TINE (as in WINE).]