Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 23 November 2010

image for I'm A Celeb - Public Patience With Gillian McKeith Wearing Thin
Life's Hard In The Bush - Especially If You Are A Bush

Serial fainter Gillian McKeith is at the time of writing, still firmly ensconced in the 'I'm A Celeb' jungle camp, alongside such luminaries as Lembit Opik, Brit Eckland, and some others, including grumpy Manc lad, Shaun Ryder.

But we don't know right now how long this situation is likely to endure. It appears that the vegan 'plucked budgie' turd inspector is rapidly becoming public enemy number one among legions of Brit couch potatoes - even coming under fire from the Loose Women at lunchtime on ITV.

The nation's favourite turd inspector started well by reducing cuddly, dippy, Stacey Solomon to tears in a conversation about phobias.

Off camera, a twelve foot crococdile chased the aptly named Aggro across the camp before being repulsed by Bob the oxygen man, a parakeet and crowd of cockroaches. Apparently, Aggro had to sit down for a breather as it's the first time the lazy bastard has moved in a week.

Then came the bush tucker trial, with the shit inspector and Dom Jolie off of Trigger Happy TV (the shouty tosser with the outsized mobile phone) facing the music.

Turned out to be a lobster pot challenge, with both celebs spending five nail biting minutes each sinking underwater whilst trying to retrieve some stars from bits of string while baby crocs and some crayfish generally farted about.

Dom got six stars and Gillian got five.

In spite of Gillian screeching like a little girl when she thought a box was creeping up on her. The silly cow.

After that it was a slot for Geordie funsters Kant and Feck, then the kangaroo court resumed. This involved picking worms out of a bug filled jar and stuffing them through a little hole.

Stacey and Dom shat out on this one and were condemned to jungle Alcatraz. Dinner consisted of a leg of goat and assorted vegetables, which everybody seemed to enjoy except Gillian, who really is an absolute arsehole in an opinion poll conducted at the offices of Skoob Entertainment News.

Then Kayla, the Playchap bunny bird pissed TV comedienne Jenny Eclair (the mother of former Manchester United striker Choccy McClair) right off, by giving her a job.

Does the bimbette not realise that Jenny is the original grumpy old woman, and that she could tear out seventeen new arseholes for Kayla before the stupid bint would even register anything had happened.

It's all bollocks anyway.

Thursday night's bushfucker trial will involve Stacey and Aggro. Who the fuck is Aggro anyway? Even Buffty Ginslinger doesn't know.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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