Miley Cyrus has reached the age of majority, and men and boys are celebrating the Big 1-8 'actress' by firing uterus-spackle at the Hannah Montana pictures playing as a slideshow on their laptops.
And they're doing so guilt-free.
"Hitting 18 in the United States is a big deal for Miley, and her fans." says Richard Snott of the Lyle Menendez School of Law in Los Angeles. "It's a lot different now that she's a grown-up."
"Miley can now enter into contracts without Billy-Ray getting greasy stains on the paper, she can vote, and she'll be charged as an adult when she receives her first DUI."
"More importantly, fans can whack-off while watching Youtube clips of her performing without feeling like a Catholic priest."
"As soon as it hit midnight last night, I loaded Miley's video for 'Who Owns My Heart' on my computer," said the president of Miley Cyrus' on-line fan club, 38-year-old computer store assistant manager Amir Moazzami. "I put paperclips on my nipples, hooked up my TENS unit to my scrotum, spit on my Bic lighter and put it in my butt, soaked my right hand in extra-virgin olive oil, and made sweet, sweet love to Miley. Four times."
"Hell, I would've gone for five, but my cat stepped on my computer and un-muted the video," Amir concluded. "Her caterwauling will kill a boner in a second."