Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 23 November 2010

image for Kate Middleton Reveals her Wedding Dress
Kate poses in an early discarded possibility

News has leaked from the Middleton camp as to what Kate Middleton's dress will look like on her big day in April.

Wedding planner, Toby Orrent, has been seen taking in a collection of top designer names from Versace to Caroline Castigliano. So far, they have all been white.

Kate Middleton is well aware that the eyes of the world will be on her, and has spent many hours pouring over the designs that designers the world over have been sending in. She also knows that what ever design she settles upon will be what every fiancé in Britain will want to have her dress modelled on for her big day.

Ida Gnoh, Kate Middleton's personal assistant, reveals that Kate has weighed all her options and has settled upon a wedding dress.

"Kate has gone for an inflatable wedding dress," said Gnoh. "We have already been in contact with ISS in Berkshire. That's Inflatable Sumo Suits, and not the international space station. Which is not in Berkshire. ISS have produced the design that Kate simply loves."

The thought of an inflatable dress conjures up images of balloons. However, according to Gnoh this is as far from the truth as this whole article.

"The white dress contains inflatable panels that emphasise Kate's bust," said Gnoh, "and will hold the skirt of the dress out into a perfect parabola."

The final shape will provide Kate with a traditional Elizabethan shape, without all the weight and steel supports required by traditional manufacture. The dress will be strapless, and be ever so slightly just off the floor so that it swishes as walks up the aisle.

There will also be a veil. Made of bubble wrap.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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