Written by Q. William Bacon
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Tuesday, 23 November 2010

image for Linda Lovelace to be played by Dyson DC23 TurbineHead Vacuum
Lindsay Lohan will not be starring in "Inferno"

HOLLYWOOD - "Making a movie costs a hundred grand a day," complains Matthew Wilder, director of the upcoming film "Inferno", a biography of Lovelace, the troubled star of X-rated movies.

Wilder was recently forced to fire his chosen lead, Lindsay Lohan.

"The production can't appease all these pampered divas. The lead actress has to work a twelve-hour day, reliably and efficiently, with extraordinary range and reach, and great all-around performance. That's why I've chosen the DC23 TurbineHead to play Linda Lovelace."

"The DC23 is easy to pick up, and it has patented Root Cyclone technology," adds Wilder. "But the shoot will also use some stunt doubles, like the DC31 Animal with Dyson Ball technology, and the DC28 with AirMuscle.

"I'm excited by all the Dysons. And I'm thrilled that we can finally start filming! The production is so far behind schedule that I've already started my next ruined actress movie, The Lindsay Lohan Story."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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