Written by Skoob1999
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 22 November 2010

image for Katie Waissel Hates Kittens And Her Grandad's A Pimp Claims Hack
I'm Voting For Wagner!

Notorious red top hack, Richard Littlecock today added his lardy-arsed weight to the 'Let's All Hate Katie Waissel' movement by claiming that Katie can't stand kittens and that her grandad's a ruthless pimp working the mean streets of Bradford.

"It's true," Littlecock told Skoob Entertainment News, profusely rubbing his gums. "I've done my research meticulously, and she emerges as a pretty shadowy figure. With more skeletons in her closet than Hammer studios. She's a nasty piece of work. I tracked down a man whose cousin's workmate worked with a bloke who knew a bloke down the pub whose brother once went out with Katie Waissel. And he said that she hated fluffy kittens and that they should all be hit repeatedly with a five pound lump hammer. He told me too that his source told him that her nan is a prostitute and her other grandad probably ruled over a stable of hookers on the Lane in Bradford. She doesn't seem to realise that having a haircut won't erase her sleazy background."

What is clear is that Katie Waissel has been consistently championed by X-Factor judges, Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole, and that Littlecock holds a grudge against the showbiz impressario.

When confronted with this revelation, Littlecock blushed and muttered:

"Cowell owes me. I once bought the bastard a pint in Spearmint Rhino and he fucked off without buying me one back. The tight cunt. I'll go to any lengths to fuck that bastard up."

At which point our reporter suggested voting for Wagner to win X-Factor.

"Fucking brilliant idea that!" Littlecock enthused. "Why didn't I think of that?"

More as we get it.

Make Skoob1999's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 3?

2 25 17 12
97 readers are online right now!

Go to top