Pope Benedict has made billions protecting the flock from 'The Inferno.' Now Pope Benedict has teamed up with the makers of 'Woolite', 'Lysol' and 'Durex Condoms' to protect the flock from 'The Inferno' of overpopulation by manufacturing Durex Brand 'Vatican Condoms', complete with a picture of Malin Akerman and The Messiah on the package.
Malin Akerman just replaced Lindsay Lohan as Linda Lovelace in 'Inferno: The Linda Lovelace Story.' Linda Lovelace was a porn star who starred in the porn classic "Deep Throat" about a woman who got caught breaking into the Watergate building wearing nothing but a pink negligee. Later Linda Lovelace claimed that she only did it because her husband held a gun to her head and she became an anti porn activist. She later died in a car accident. The driver, a Catholic Priest was not wearing protection.
Lady Di also died in a car accident fleeing the French paparazzi because she neglected to put on her seat belt. Membership declining as a result of the Catholic children being molested by abusive Priests the Vatican needed a new source of income. Pope Benedict said, "Previously the Catholic Church has been strongly against the use of condoms even in cases of rape and we did blame the African HIV problem on condom use but now we have a lot of Priests around the world twiddling their thumbs. The Lord Jesus Christ returned to Earth last week and he called me."
"The Lord Jesus Christ told me that he will be making his public reappearance in a cameo role as the 'Rabbi on a Camel' in the film 'Inferno'." In the scene, Jesus is giving Paul a camel ride to Damascus when all of a sudden Malin Akerman appears at an oasis engaged in orgiastic behavior with 69 Catholic Priests. The Lord Jesus Christ screams out, 'Turn the other cheek.'