Written by IainB
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Monday, 22 November 2010

image for Did Gillian McKeith fake her faint?
Camera Four...Where's McKeith gone?

Millions of viewers witnessed Gillian McKeith faint on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here just before she had been asked to do the latest Bush Tucker Trial on the bizarrely popular reality celebrity show.

However, fainting experts have examined the footage and declared what many of the viewers thought already, that the fainting was faked.

"When somebody faints," said Doctor Lily Swoon, head of the Loss of Consciousness Unit at Tameside Hospital, "they hit the ground hard. McKeith goes down in instalments. She falls over like a Premiership footballer!"

McKeith's press agency deny that the former poo-sorter - made famous by You Are What You Eat So I Must Have Eaten A Dessicated Mummy - feigned fainting.

"The medical profession have had it in for Gillian, who is a highly respected homoeopathic nutritionist, with a dozen books behind her extolling the virtues of eating healthily," said Bill Statistics, one of the directors of Lies Damn Lies And Statistics Press Agency. "Ever since it was discovered that she was calling herself Doctor McKeith without receiving a doctorate from a recognised university. They take every opportunity to ridicule her."

McKeith is alleged to have formed her own on-line qualification; and remains the only graduate from the Quantum Crystal Homoeopathic Nutrition course. However, she did get a PhD in it, despite marking her own coursework.

"It's nothing to do with her pretence of earning a degree in a pseudo-science," said Swoon, a real doctor. "She can call her self Lord High Klingon Director of Cosmic Billiards for all I care. She feigned her fainting because she bent over, slowly bent her knees, went onto all fours, rolled onto her back, and lowered her head slowly to the ground."

ITV bosses intend to check out McKeith by showing her the public's popularity figures for her.

"That'll make her faint for sure," said Aunt Dec.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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